The Unseen Life

She sees the world – not for what it is but for what it could be

which is to say that she sees who it is

who it was

who it could be

who it has been

who it will be.

It is not what it seems,

but what is it that it seems?

This is where we begin, where we end and where we are – as she sees it.

There is the world around her and then there is the world – the world for those who see.  She saw what she wanted. She also saw what she supposed to want. She wanted to want that. She wanted to want to want that. She wanted it so badly, she no longer saw. She did. She followed. She did and she followed until no longer knew what she was following.

She no longer saw.

She no longer felt what she wanted or what she didn’t.

She continued to do and to follow.

This year

Next year

Turned into the next year and the next

Each one a little closer

Each one misleading her further

Until one year, she awakens.

One morning, she awakens.

She hears the chirping of the birds outside her window. Her eyes are still closed as she awakes. She feels each delicate ray of sun streaming in through that invisible barrier between her and the world she’s always seen.

She gets up. She puts on her favorite yoga pants and t-shirt, makes herself a cup of tea and heads out into the world. Upon opening her front door, stepping onto the bustling street, she sees people doing the same thing they’ve always done: walking down to the metro, getting a coffee before work – but these people aren’t the people she remembers.

They look like them, sound like them, walk like them, they even smell like them, but they are not them – not the them she remembers.

She remembers looking up to these people, thinking: one day I’ll have a job like them – a professional job, one day I’ll be old enough to make decisions on my own like them – like staying out all night, one day I’ll be one of these people makes money and spends it as they want to.

One day, one day happened.

She landed her dream job, bought her dream apartment, built her dream life.

She spent years in this dream – 7 years to be precise.

Every day, she’d wake up, go to work, wake up go to work, wake up, go to work, go to work, work, work.

But not today. Today was somehow different. She was somehow different. The people around her were somehow different – if you could even call them people.

She saw these figures around her that kind of resembled people – those people she remembered admiring for so so long.

She saw figures moving around her, sounds that seemed to be communicating some kind of message – something that these mysterious beings were sharing amongst each other that could not understand.

But how could this be?

She could see. She could see the full construction of of of. . .

She saw it. She knew it. She felt it.

She could not describe it to anyone but herself.

The more she saw, the more of these creatures there were. Some days she’d recognize them – as if they had personalities, as if she were one of them. Some days she was one of them. Some days she wasn’t sure what they were and what dangers they possessed to her.

She remembered years ago when these creatures didn’t exist. She remembered the people who were like her – who were beyond her in their mental capacities – she liked these people. She knew these people. Where were these people?

There were so many of them. So so so many. And then there weren’t. She couldn’t recall quite when they disappeared. It seemed that they were there and then they weren’t. Some days they still were.

She looked at these creatures around her. They resembled those she admired years ago – yet they were somehow different. They saw each other in a way that she could not. They talked to other in what seemed to be a foreign language comprised of the vocabulary and structure she knew so well – like hearing a joke but missing the punchline.

Surely, she knew them.

She saw one look at her, and she felt something. She even thought it might have too. There was something in there inside of this creature that was almost human.

And then that something was gone. And it returned to herd – unrecognizable to her once again.

So she saw the world. She saw as if looking at it from high above the earth. She watched these creatures that had taken over what once was her beloved world. She could see so clearly, and yet, she wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to be seen.

She could finally see, but she could no longer be seen. And so, she lived out her existence haunting these creatures that had taken over the world. Occasionally, someone would flinch or shiver – did they see her?

If they did, it was brief, like suddenly remembering that thing you forgot only to forget it immediately after. For a brief moment, they had transcended into her realm, but it was so unrecognizable to them that immediately returned. They didn’t even question what they thought they saw because it was so impossible – so impossible that their brains didn’t even register its impossibility.

It was from this place – this other realm – that she could see the world. She could have come back – she could come back if she wanted too – she thought.

But I’ll just stay a little longer. There’s more to see, she thought. There’s more to experience, she thought. And so she stayed. And so she saw, and the more she saw, the more she needed to see more. She became addicted to that feeling just before you’re about to cry when your mouth becomes dry but somehow filling with saliva. When your throat and forehead become warm, and you feel like you could vomit any moment. When that unsettling still motion in your stomach is almost too much to bear. She needed more.

And so she stayed.

Book recommendations are books I’ve read that I felt drawn to share with you as I created this blog post. These are affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases❤

A book about the scientific approach to energy work & manifestation that explains how to understand what is happening within our bodies and the universe during meditation & mindset work.

A book of poetry that captures the chaos & messiness of life and the paradox that when we “land”, we’re actually closer to falling apart again in the infinite cycle of self-discovery & awareness.

A novel that explores the human condition through its characters and teaches us about different types of energy and interactions between people of these varying energy frequencies.

Poetry about understanding your relationship with yourself & your significant other.

Even deeper into the mind we go with this book on how we can understand our roles in our own realities and the power we have to determine who we are and what is true for us within our lifetime.

An adventure into the waking and subconscious mind exploring the dream world & the world that can become so surreal we’re uncertain at times it begins and the other ends.

A novel that teaches us about life through nature with references to how our language and culture affects our perception of the world around us.