Finding My Identity & Paving My Way

I struggle with finding my identity - my self. All the courses I’ve taken, skills I’ve learned & degrees I’ve earned, and still I feel at a loss for knowing who I am and exactly what I’m doing. I spiral in bouts of frustration and motivation but keep going.

I am a martial artist. The one thing I’ve done consistently over the last 6 years is attend karate practice without fail. I’ve jumped from job to job, language to language, taken an extended break from my business, but I’ve never stopped going to karate.

I am a writer & creator. I feel the most at peace when I’m in my own space doing & creating from the depths of my soul. There’s nothing else quite like it. It makes me feel like I’m becoming more of myself.

I am one with nature. I lose track of time when I’m in my garden. It inspires me to write & create more, and see myself infusing my karate practice into sacred outdoor space. When I tend to my plants and envision the grand garden I’m building, it reminds to be patient with my business because it too is going to grow and evolve over the years.

Who Am I?

Some days I’m still not certain. Each time I peal back another layer, I feel more refined but then I question myself still more. Some days I wish I knew exactly who I am & what I do, but that day it’d be time for something new.

Addicted to the Struggle

Yes, I’m addicted to not knowing and unveiling more of my identity each day. I thought I’d be done after school, but that was only the beginning. I thought I’d be done when I finished one program after another, after another, after another. . .

I never thought I’d be done when I earned my black belt. And I think that may have been because that was never the reason I practiced karate. Sure, it was a goal, but never the reason like going to school to get a degree so that I’d be qualified for a job.

It was more than that.

I wanted to be strong, Inside & out. I wanted to be resilient. It was the yearning of my soul to know myself, and that requires great strength - so much so that many people live their entire lives without knowing.

It takes confronting our own fears & insecurities.

It takes a bit of luck having access to resources & education.

It takes a whole lot of perseverance & dedication.

And who knows, I might only discover the smallest piece of who I am in this lifetime.

That’s okay.

I have more lifetimes

I began to realize in my mid-twenties my lifetime may not be enough time for all that I desire to do and learn. It didn’t quite land until thirty that I really do have to choose the focus of this lifetime & how I want to spend my days. What good is it to have and do all the things if I’m miserable working myself to exhaustion?

Less really is more, and happiness is worth more degrees & decorations. I am enough as I am - and so are you.

There are stages within our lifetimes that, ideally, help us refine more & more of who we are and how we contribute to the collective. I’m in my martial artist, writer, gardener stage where I create content about my life experiences & lessons to share with others who seek knowledge and understanding of the world around them and their place in it.

Language as a Connector

For the life of me, I cannot bring myself to sit & open another textbook or otherwise study language right now. My foreign language progress is virtually non-existent at this point in the traditional sense of language acquisition.

But I feel more connected to language than I ever have before. I’m enjoying what & when I read, and I’m writing blogs, courses, poetry for the sake of writing & desiring to express myself through written language.

I’m inspired by foreign languages & cultures, especially as they relate to karate, nature & spiritual practices. I see language as an instrument to create with, and I’m curious about weaving it more & more into my life.

Book recommendations are books I’ve read that I felt drawn to share with you as I created this blog post. These are affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases❤